Intramural football team names – from five-a-side to 11-a-side – can say a lot about a team. Beyond the shapeless 3-2-1 formations, the dodgy goalkeeping and that one guy who had trials at Arsenal as a teenager, intramural football is the breeding ground for clever, humorous and outrageous team names.

Whether the name relates to a particular football player or club, subject faculty, television programme, or a disgraceful revelation from the BBC over the last couple of years, teams pride themselves on their ability to make people snigger when the referee calls for the next two teams to take to the pitch.

Jesmond, for example, is represented at Newcastle University’s Sports Centre Wednesday night 11-a-side league by two teams: Jesmond Tutu F.C. and Jesmondinho Football Club (JFC). Michael Rowan, who last year lived in Lavender Gardens, Jesmond, believes that naming your team is “just about having a good laugh”. The history Masters student claims the key to an effective team name is by creating “something funny, that people get and doesn’t cross the line”.

Last year Rowan played for ‘Hardly Athletic’, a six-a-side team made up of his history course-mates.  “We weren’t particularly fit so Hardly Athletic fit perfectly,” he says.  On the other hand, a ‘bad’ team name, according to Rowan, is when a team crosses the line, trying to be funny but instead ending up as offensive.

Selecting the right name for your 5/6/7/11-a-side team is not as easy a task as you may think. Here are JesmondLocal’s current top five in Newcastle:

5) Jesmond Tutu FC and Jesmondinho Football Club (JFC) – It would be rude to exclude a Jesmond-related team. Thankfully, these two are good enough to make the cut. What football team doesn’t need a bit of half time team talk inspiration from a social activist or a bit of Brazilian flair?

4) We Need To Talk About Kevin Kilbane – By adding the Republic of Ireland’s third most capped player’s face to a 2011 psychological thriller, you have an original and witty team name. Simple and effective, much like Kevin Kilbane’s footballing ability.

3) Deportivo Lacka Talent and Expected Toulouse – Another joint award. Either a strategic bluff or upsettingly accurate, this type of opposition are an unknown quantity. Sums up the standard of most intramural leagues.

2) Obe-One Kanobi-Nil – A strong Star Wars-related pun including one of the most popular characters. Imagine James Alexander Gordon reading this one out on Radio 5 at  o’clock on a Saturday evening.

1) Murder on Zidane’s Floor – A mash-up of Sophie Ellis-Bextor’s (remember her?!) 2001 hit and Zinedine Zidane, one of the best football players to ever grace the footballing world stage. Marco Materazzi might also appreciate the subtle nod to Zidane’s 2006 World Cup Final head-butt. Or maybe not.